I have finally overcome the fear of the aftermath from depression. It feels great. It feels like a ton of weight has been lifted up. I feel free. Achieved. I was under the impression that people were going to not talk to me because I ghosted them. I guess I was kind of embarrassed and didn’t know what and how to say, ” I’m sorry I ghosted you, but I was going through my own personal hell and I needed to check out from the real world to go ahead and deal with my own demons”. That was something I never thought I’d be saying. But it is the truth, my truth. So this morning, I woke up thinking about my friends and it was weighing on me that I needed to reach out and apologize. In reality I didn’t have to apologize, I could have just given a short explanation and leave at that, but I am not like that. I care about everyone. I treat others with kindness and respect. At least I try my best. That is why when I literally disappeared into my own little darkness without a word, it made me feel bad. They had no idea what was going on. Possibly they felt some kind of way and that was not my intention at all. I had to apologize to them. So I was pretty nervous this morning typing the message. I decided to send a group message on FB and told them what my heart wants it to tell them. I took a deep breath and clicked send. I literally stopped breathing for a few seconds.

Now I was just waiting. walking back and forward looking at the screen LOL. Opening the app and then closing it LOL. I’m telling you, I am a mess LOL. Then I got my 1st reply. OMG, my heart stopped, no kidding. It literally stops. I snapped myself out of it. Took a deep breath. With one eye open, I scanned the message LOL. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was good. It was sweet. I cried, and it felt great. It was like 1000 lbs had been lifted. The messages kept coming and they were all sweet, supportive, and loving.

Fear is a powerful thing as well and it’s one of the biggest factors of depression. If it wasn’t for my fear of rejection and because I am also an overthinker, I think I would have come to them a long time ago, but I am happy that it happened when I was completely ready. Thank you God.