This topic is hard for me to speak about because it really hurts. It’s the one topic that has super deep roots. So, I will try my best to transfer my emotion and memories to this writing. Well, a little background about me, I was born and raised in Puerto Rico. Ok, That was it LOL. Back in the day, things were a little different. I am not sure exactly what happened but a little after I was born, my parents divorced.

All I know is that my dad was in the military. He was going to be relocated to somewhere in Europe. My mom didn’t want to move because she was afraid of being by herself in a country she didn’t know anyone. I think she was pregnant with me at this time. Also that my dad was notified when I was going to be born so he could be there and he chose not to come. So he missed my birth. This is all I know.

I remember when growing up, I thought about my dad alot. I saw him as a hero, my hero. My mom used to talk to me alot about him. My memories of him that I remember, started when I was around 6 years old. I remember receiving a few phone calls and sometimes birthday cards on my birthday from him. When I received the birthday cards and opened them, I remember a particular smell. I used to say to my mom, “Mom, it smells like the United States’ ‘ lol. I Loved that smell LOL. I always held a very special place in my heart for my dad. Even though I haven’t met him yet, I really really LOVED him. LOL one time, I was really upset with my mom. I think I was like 6 or 7 years old. She told me I had to clean my room or something like that. I got soooo upset with her, I told her that I didn’t want to live with her and that I was moving in with my dad. I packed my clothes and placed them inside a few black bags and walked outside. Then I realized, I didn’t have any money and I was just a kid. Uhhhh I was so upset LOL. That is how much I loved a man that I haven’t met yet. Thinking about these memories brings back those feelings, The pure love from an innocent child.

The 1st time I met my dad, if I am not mistaken, was on my 5th grade graduation. My grandma (his mom) made my beautiful, puffy,pink dress. She was an absolutely fantastic seamstress. Well, she was great at everything. She passed away a few years ago. I remember my graduation took place in my classroom. It was a small class. I was sitting down on the front row, listening to the ceremony. My name got called and I stood up to get my diploma and I happened to look to the back of the room and I saw this figure standing right in the middle of the door. Wearing his Navy gala uniform. LOL, man, I still remember the feeling that a 7 year old girl felt, when she saw her dad for the 1st time. I just knew it was him. I remember the look on his face. He had a big smile. I immediately took off running and gave him the biggest hug ever. That moment was one of the best. He looked so good on his uniform too. I felt so proud to have my dad there. You know, It was my time to show the other kids that I did have a dad and he was awesome. He was a soldier SMH LOL. I gotta say that I was no fan of the daddy and daughter dance. Always made me sad, but I understood that my mom and dad couldn’t be together.

After our meeting, I remember talking to him here and there. It wasn’t often, Probably a few times a year. Our conversations were fun. I was a little girl on the phone with her dad, leaving that moment in the clouds LOL. He always used to ask me how I was doing. How was school? and he used to say that his roommate said hello. I thought it was really nice. Then time continued to pass, and my dad still had the same roommate. I really didn’t think any of it when I got a little older and was able to make an opinion on my own and I seriously didn’t care. I still loved him no matter what. I didn’t say anything. I wanted him to come to me and tell me whenever he was ready and again, I really didn’t care.

So, in 1994 My mom decided to move to the United States. We had a family member that offered to let my mom move to the US and stay with her until she gets on her feet. So, at the age of 15 we moved to Florida. Uhhhhhhhhhh I was not a happy teenager at all. I waa not a big fan of my mom. I left home, my bestfriend and my boyfriend. I was heartbroken. Now that I am an adult, I thank my mom for that scary decision she made. Thank you mom. As a single mother. Moving to a different country, it was scary and not easy but she made it happen.

After my 5th graduation, I saw my dad for my 9th grade graduation. I remember going shopping with him for a bathing suit and he bought me a black mossimo bikini. My very 1st one, thank you very much. I loved it lol. At the end of my 9th grade graduation, We moved to Florida. I saw my dad a few months after we moved to Florida and I was 15 years old. Time continues to move forward. I continued to grow and go through changes and my dad was not there. I don’t remember talking to him. Then in December of 1999 I found myself being a single mom of a beautiful 3 year old son. I was not doing well. I was literally homeless. I remember thinking about my dad and how I needed him at that moment. I needed his support because I felt so lost. I called grandma and told her that I needed my dad. That I wanted him to meet his grandson and I want to get to know him. That I was 21 years old and I was tired of not spending time with him. If I remember correctly, grandma called my dad and told him about me and then I received a call from him. We talked, I told him I wanted to see him and for him to be part of my family and his grandson. We decided on a date to meet and place.

To be Continued